13 Random Thoughts From Watching Kid’s TV On CBeebies

I like to think that the missus and I are doing a pretty good job of raising Toddler L. During her 16 months of life on the planet, we’ve somehow managed to create an incredible daughter who is healthy, happy, inquisitive, adventurous, cute and only sometimes a tad annoying. Plus, most significantly, there’s only been a couple of ‘accidents’.

I feel like I need to make a confession though. There is a third-party involved in helping to raise our daughter. Actually, scrub that. There are tens of – if not hundreds of – third-parties who all do their bit to entertain, educate, distract and develop the sprog.

No, we don’t have loads of servants and we don’t take part in our own version of ‘Wife Swap’, although both sound intriguing propositions. Instead, I’m talking about TV. All of the characters, presenters and undefinable ‘things’ which live inside the telly, sharing their experiences and life lessons with our little rug rats.

Toddler L has never really been too bothered about watching the TV, which is surprising considering that I have a really bad habit of having it on in the background pretty much every minute of the day. I guess the likes of ‘Judge Rinder’ and ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ just don’t do it for her like they do it for me.

toddler sat on table watching tv

The past few months though have seen an increased interest in the idiot box now that we’ve started putting kid’s TV on. We started with ‘Milkshake’ for an hour or so in the mornings, but have since graduated to ‘CBeebies’, which we have on for a few hours in the morning then an hour before bed.

By association, I am ‘forced’ to watch – and, more often that not, enjoy – the children’s content that is on channel 702 of my Virgin TIVO box. I’ve laughed, I’ve danced, I’ve cried and I’ve looked on with utter confusion. The latter of which has led to many a question and random thought, all designed as a coping mechanism to help me process what the hell is happening on the screen.

I therefore thought I’d share with you some of the random thoughts that have gone through my head as I watch CBeebies:

1) I wonder if the Alphablocks are all paid equally or whether their income is determined by appearance. If so, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for “X” and “Z” who will surely be struggling to make ends meat.

 

2) Is Mr Tumble’s spotty bag a not-so-subtle way of telling his ex-lovers that he has genital warts and that they should consider getting themselves checked out?

 

3) Following on from 2), is the process of transferring the spotty bag between Justin and Mr Tumble – and back again – designed to teach kids just how easily STI’s can be passed between people?

toddler sat on settee watching tv

4) If Iggle Piggle’s disruptive behaviour is not sorted out soon, it won’t be long before he’s rotting away in prison. Not going to bed when asked will soon escalate to more troublesome behaviour. Fast forward five years, I reckon he’ll be robbing shops to fund his crack habit. Is that the type of role model you want for your kids?

 

5) You need to re-evaluate your own life and role as a parent when you realise that you’ll never be as sensible, patient, wise or worldly as Bing’s guardian Flop. That guy has major parenting skills.

 

6) The “let it be me” song from ‘Let’s Play’ is sooooooo bloody annoying. Seriously, it’s worse than a mash-up between The Cheeky Girls, Billy Ray Cyrus, Baha Men, Right Said Fred, Psy and Aqua, plus it goes on for 30 seconds longer than it ever needs to.

toddler sat on toy watching tv

7) The Furchester Hotel must have some terrible reviews on TripAdvisor. How are you supposed to have a relaxing night’s sleep when everyone spontaneously bursts into song? Imagine that happening in the room next to yours at 3am in the morning.

 

8) It is impossible to think or say “My Pet And Me” without doing it in the sing-song fashion of the presenters.

 

9) I admire the work that Justin Fletcher (Mr Tumble) has done to educate, entertain and bridge the gap in society, but I’d hate to live next to him.

toddler stood on tv unit stacking blocks

10) I now have (a bit of) respect for children’s TV presenters. I used to think that it was the most depressing of TV presenting careers, but this has recently been knocked into #2 spot after watching a bit of late night roulette when I couldn’t sleep the other night. Keep up the good work guys.

 

11) When travelling ‘Around The World’ with his suitcase, Mr Maker has tried the ‘clever’ space saving idea of attaching bottles of poster paint to the outside of his case. I know you’ve got to take a lot of crap with you when you go on holiday, but squeezable bottles are going to cause chaos when crushed by other suitcases in the plane’s cargo hold. I expect he’ll be having to fork out a fair bit of money to other customers in damages.

 

12) Despite watching it nearly every evening, I still have no clue what the shitting hell a Pipling is, what the Waybuloo creators were smoking when they came up with the idea or where I can get some.

Toddler standing watching tv with ball in mouth

13) It is a bad idea to use ‘popular’ music as part of the adverts. I have no issues in stating that I really really really really really really like that Carly Rae Jepsen song, but its usage in the ‘Sarah and Duck’ promo has slightly tarnished my enjoyment. Stick to music in the adverts that no-one likes.

Have you had any of these thoughts before, or am I just a bit messed up in the head? Is there any other random thoughts you’ve had about kid’s TV shows that you want to add? Let me know below!

[jetpack_subscription_form subscribe_text=”Like what you’ve read? Want more? Pop in your email to get all of the latest posts.”]
  • Clare

    Firstly, disney junior is the way forward. Secondly, disney junior is the way forward xx

    • Jenna Richards

      But the adverts. 😐

    • Haha – I’ve tried it once or twice, but something about CBeebies feels familiar. At least there is plenty of choice on different channels!

  • Mike Barclay

    The Pontipines need an ASBO, so disruptive. Also, have you ever had the misfortune of being woken pre-6am and watching “Me Too”? That show raises soooo many questions about society!

    • stoppingattwo

      Bloody Granny Murray!!!

    • Haha – yeah, they are basically like a gang looking for trouble. I can’t say I have – I don’t even think I’ve seen that show – based on your ‘review’ of it, I don’t plan on either!

  • Jenna Richards

    I am never going to hear the words ‘Mr Tumble’s Spotty Bag’ in the same way again. *shudder*

    Thanks for that.

    Flop is definitely my parenting hero. If I was Bing’s guardian I’d have locked him in the cupboard under the stairs by now.

    • Haha, you’re welcome Jenna 🙂 Totally agree – Bing is really annoying, I dunno how Flop does it. I can imagine Flop needs a big glass of wine at the end of each day.

  • Tim

    I’m still waiting for the episode of Night Garden in which Upsy Daisy serves Iggle Piggle with a rstraining order and is counter-sued for sexually provocative behaviour in the workplace. (I mean, what’s with the constant dragging her bed around?)

    Enjoy it while it lasts, Dave. After 8 years of dialling up channel 614 on Sky, we’re finally passing out of the wall-to-wall CBeebies phase and moving on to Nick Jr, Disney, Cartoon Network and CBBC. I’m missing my daily dose of Octonauts.

    • Ha – who knows?! She is a proper tease. Although can it be called a workplace if they never get any work done? Kicking a ball or picking up stones isn’t really ‘work’ is it? Wow, lucky you – at least you’ll get to see some better things – I have put on Xmen and Spiderman from time to time, although they’re not as good as the ones I remember from when I was a kid.

  • Bethan T

    This is hilarious! I want to know what a Twirly Woo actually is?! Looks like some sort of relative to the pipplins! xx

    • Thanks Bethan 🙂 I have no bloody idea – I’m sure that most concepts for characters and shows are thought up by people who are drunk or stoned.

  • stoppingattwo

    Brilliant! That Iggle Piggle is trouble.

    Hubby started to pick holes in the plot of “Grandpa in my Pocket” until I pointed out that you had to first get past the idea of a magic shrinking cap before worrying about how unrealistic it is.

    I have issues with Postman Pat…..

    • Thanks 🙂 Haha, I can’t say I’ve seen that one, but you’ve not really ‘sold’ it to me! Yeah, Postman Pat is dodgy – properly incompetent.

  • Hello Beautiful Bear

    I do love Cbeebs. I like to think that it’s more educational than some of the other channels (although we watch them all and I’m sure this is just me trying to feel a little less guilty about TV time!)
    I did just sing ‘My Pet, my pet and me’ so yes, it is clearly impossible to do anything but…
    My partner laughs his way through ITNG as he believe that the pinky ponk and the pontipines are clearly making fart sounds which is not great when trying to settle Lily down for the night haha!
    Waybuloo is very trippy X X

    • Haha – yeah, they totally make fart noises and I’m sure something on the pinky ponk looks like a boob!

  • Jo

    ‘my pet my pet and me’ sounds like ‘my ket my ketamine’ ? or is it just me???

  • I am crying with laughter. I actually reckon this is the funniest post I’ve ever read. Write that in your About Me section dude 😉 Seriously ‘Let’s Play’ gives me a migraine and please submit a review for FH on Trip Advisor. BEST POST EVER x

    • Thanks Vic! I’ll definitely take that as a compliment, unless you’ve never ready any ‘funny’ posts before meaning this is the best my default 🙂

  • debsj50

    Oh duck, this is the best laugh I’ve had in ages, well done you for writing down what most parents do probably think. I’m a Nanna now so don’t have to sit through hour of kiddie tv, when I do watch them I always wonder, why Andy Pandy & Loubie Lou were really banned from the TVs hahaha. My daughter came in the other week saying, ” mum, I have to tell you something” I was like, oh god what’s happened ? She said ” I’m so so sorry for making you put videos on over and over again, I’ve just had to sit through frozen about 20 times” lol yep Disney films will do that to you as well. She continued ” And don’t even get me started on that Peppa pig, that sluts banned from our house” omg I was crying laughing, oh the joys of watching your grown up kids go through what they put you through. Lmao

    • Thanks, pleased you liked 🙂 Haha, it’s not until you become a parent yourself that you realise all of the shit that your own folks had to go through! Yeah, I’m not a great fan of Peppa either – so spoilt and rude!

  • Emma (www.embean.co.uk)

    Brilliant post, love it! One of my friends came up with a theory about ITNG a while back, basically that the characters are a commentary on modern life, or at least, the Daily Mail version of it. You have Upsy Daisy, the girl obsessed with wanting to be a famous singer (who keeps lifting her skirt), the Tombliboos, three confused drunken students, the Pontipines, who have had hundreds of children for the benefits, and Makka Pakka who cleans up after them all but none of them want to be friends with. It was never the same for me after she outlined this.

    • Haha that is awesome. I would love it if that was true. Sadly, however, I think the creators were just high on acid and pitched it to the TV producers as a joke 🙂

  • NewMummy Blogger

    haha brilliant post! I’ve actually just been writing about Mr Tumble. If we have the tv on and he appears…. I quickly turn it off. He’s just a bit too weird and creepy and I just have an intense dislike of the programme. #brilliantblogposts

    • Thanks 🙂 Ah, have you? Yeah, I’m not really a fan of his either – he’s very annoying and a bit odd. However, I think a bit of affection is starting to grow deep down (like really deep down) in me…

  • Mummy in a TuTu

    Haha loved this.. bloody excellent! #brilliantblogposts

  • Thank you for the diligent research that went into this article. I have also wondered what the source is for the ideas that some of the children’s programme makers have and whether it’s available locally 😉

  • Haha this is brill. When I was reading this I literally sang ‘my pet and me’ in my head. Totally agree about Iggle Piggle – You really shouldn’t need to tell him to get into bed every single night – that’s just totally disobedient! 🙂 #Brillblogposts

    • Thanks 🙂 Haha, see, I told you re: my pet and me. Totally, there’s obviously no discipline in the night garden!

  • john adams

    Dave, you have clearly come to know kids TV characters incredibly well! I’m awful, can’t remember the names of any of them!

  • FionaJK42

    My daughter made me watch endless hours of Barney the purple dinosaur with his annoying songs. I’m waiting for my baby granddaughter to get a bit bigger & start making my daughter watch kids TV, then I shall be avenged!

  • Rhyming with Wine

    Is it wrong that I often try to manage my toddler’s behaviour using the “How would Flop deal with this?” approach. Needless to say that “it’s no big thing” only washes with me for about 3 minutes though.
    Very true and thought provoking. I will never be able to look at the spotty bag in the same way ever again.

    #Fridayfrolics.

  • I have a lot of questions about cbeebies, but I have to say after reading this, I think Mr Tumble is going to give me nightmares! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  • I don’t know if I’m lucky or not, but my daughter insists on watching Rainbow DVDs over and over instead of the kids channels. Bungle is now the object of all my questions – why does he need pyjamas to go to bed, but wanders around the house naked all day??? The mystery will never be solved. 🙂 #fridayfrolics

  • mama zen

    I will now have the thought Mr Tumbles genital warts (alleged) & the theme tune of my pet & me forever etched on my mind. Thank you! Haha great post #FridayFrolics

  • Pingback: Alternative Synopses For Popular CBeebies Kids TV Shows - The DADventurer()

  • Fizzyjazzle

    Number 8 is something I do.
    We seem to spend our tv time avoiding certain programmes, mainly Peppa the obnoxious little brat, teletubby’s, waybaloo, and mister maker. Accidently left the night garden on one evening and the toddler was literally hypnotised by the goings on. I will not make that mistake again!

    Fizzyjazzle.wordpress.com

  • Pingback: 7 (More) Random Thoughts From Watching Kid’s TV - The DADventurer()

  • Pingback: Face Painting With Pirate / Toddler L On A Rainy Day - The DADventurer()