5 Reasons Why I Now Know That I’m A Dad

Following the birth of Baby L just over three weeks ago, my life has slowly been changing. There hasn’t been a single moment of change, but my outlook is slowly shifting and my priorities are altering, all because of the little bundle of squishiness that has entered into our lives.

Nothing drastic has happened, well if you exclude the fact that we now have another person in the house that is totally reliant on us. Instead, little things have been occurring that have culminated in the realisation that I’m now a Dad.

Below, I share with you five of the many things that have subtly happened in my life during the past weeks which have confirmed to me that fatherhood is slowly starting to takeover my mind, body and soul:

 

1) The three P’s don’t bother me

This of course means Piss, Poo and Puke. At one time, the thought of either one of these going on my clothes or skin would have made me gag, but now I’m a changed man. I’m a Dad.

If you’d have said to me a few weeks ago that watching poo come out of someone’s back door wouldn’t have made me wretch and run squealing (in a manly way of course) out of the room, I’d have probably had you sectioned. But having witnessed this feat on more than one occasion, it barely registered on my squeamish-o-meter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I make a habit of taking off her nappy as soon as her face goes red and contort in order to see the orangey eruption, but it has less impact on me than I thought.

Even the wonder of what I like to call a “triple whammy” – in which baby decides to poo, wee and be sick at the same time, often when you’re in the middle of changing her – has had little effect apart from making me feel overwhelming pride that my baby girl can multi-task so well.

 

2) Boobs are no longer a sexual object

OK, that might not be fully true. I still appreciate a good rack! I guess what I mean to say is that I no longer view boobs as JUST objects for fun and frolics. They are now the means by which the little one is kept fed and watered. A vital source of nutritions and comfort to our sprog.

Whereas the sight of the missus’ baps would have caused sensations in the nether regions prior to a baby, my brain (and my little fella) have realised that her hooters perform a different function when Baby L is in the vicinity and there is no point getting excited. Obviously, when the cat’s away the mice will play, but when the cat’s at home there will be no playing whatsoever, if you catch my drift.

The realisation that boobs aren’t just a sexual object came about on a recent shopping expedition, and this wasn’t just because we’d gone to pick up nursing bras and breast pads which are far from sexy. Baby L was hungry and needed a change, so we went into John Lewis and used their Parents Room (which by the way is an excellent idea). Not since my stag do have I been as surrounded by semi-naked ladies as I was in the department store, yet not once did the concept of getting out a tenner and asking for a private dance cross my mind. I now firmly believe that boobs are multi-functional…just like a Swiss Army Knife.

 

3) I’ve switched to BBC Radio 2

I don’t want to sound like an old man, but I’m going to do it anyway. Music just isn’t as good as it was when I was younger. I grew up listening to a random mix of music thanks to my parents which took me from the likes of Genesis, Seal and David Essex through to Martika, Thompson Twins and Queen. My early music choices involved pop compilations before I switched to rock, heavy mental and emo (yes, I was one of those).

Although my Spotify account is still very much stuck in the early 2000’s with the likes of Taking Back Sunday and Funeral For A Friend, I prefer to listen to older stuff when in the car and the radio is on. Whereas BBC Radio 1 used to be the default, I now find myself tuning into BBC Radio 2 or even Aylesbury’s own Mix 96 to get some respite from the modern drivel spouted on the airwaves. Some of the crap made today is actually offensive to my ears and I’d much prefer to listen to a 1980’s song even if I’m not a fan.

I never thought I’d ever write this sentence, but why would I want to listen to excited teenagers ring up Nick Grimshaw or Scott Mills play One Direction when I can hear Elaine Page interview Andrew Lloyd Webber or Tony Blackburn play Pet Shop Boys? This may just be part of getting old, but becoming a Dad has made me realise that I am actually getting old.

 

4) Baby outfits now interest me

I detest shopping. Everything about it bores and irritates me. Be it the long queues, overly hot conditions or crowds of rude customers. That was until I had a baby.

I now actually like to go via Mothercare and Mamas and Papas to have a gander at the baby and kid stuff available. Walking through the endless array of little tiny outfits and spotting the friendly lion or chavvy slogan plastered on the clothing fills me with a little joy. The thought of spotting a cute little dress for Baby L, then getting to put her in it, is actually quite appealing. I’m bursting with anticipation for her to wear the clothes that we’ve bought, and those that have been given as presents, which have unfortunately been relegated to a storage box on top of the wardrobe because they are too big. For now.

I also take pride in choosing her outfits each morning, ensuring that leggings match the hat or that the colour of her socks brings out the different shades of blue in her eyes. Yes, that’s right, fatherhood has chopped off my bollocks! But I don’t care, I have a new appreciation for all things pretty and pink and that suits me just fine.

 

5) Life has become an obstacle course

Remember that scene from Entrapment – the crap film with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery – where she expertly dodges over, under and around red lasers to steal a piece of artwork? Well, that is now my life. The only difference is that I am no expert and look no where near as sexy wriggling around on the floor.

My life is starting to feel like I’m the only player in a game that I’m never going to win. Something which combines elements of hopscotch, hurdles, limbo dancing, hide and seek, Jenga, pass the parcel and dodgeball. If you can’t relate, try soothing a crying baby, avoiding the dog’s toys on the floor, eating your cereal, moving the moses basket from upstairs and answering the door to the postman all at the same time.

It is not just in the house where things have become complicated though. It is not something I ever realised previously, but everyone who lives near us parks their cars half on the road, half on the path. This is a nightmare and my new pet hate when you are trying to push a pushchair. Combine this with rubbish collection day when wheelie bins are strewn all over the paths and I start to get mildly annoyed.

Then you go shopping! Crowds of people walking slowly who fail to grasp the concept of “keeping left” are continually in your way. I’m strongly considering adding spikes and a battering ram to the pram to improve my ability to navigate the everyday obstacles in my path. I then plan to turn this into a prime time TV show. A sort of Robot Wars meets Pimp My Ride, with an arcade game points scoring system for the number of people you eliminate. Now who wouldn’t want to watch that!

Do my five reasons sounds familiar? What else made you realise that you, or your partner, had become a Dad? Let me know in the comments below!

This post has been included on the following awesome linkys:

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  • Beth L

    Fantastic post!! It’s lovely to see it from a male perspective (esp the boob one!!!) and wait til the obstacles become minuscule yet agonisingly painful!! #mmwbh

    • Thanks Beth! I know, I’ve heard a lot about standing on little spiky toys etc!

      • I think life feels so different in every way when your first child comes along but slowly baby fits in and life resumes some kind of normality, albeit a new normality! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

  • Addingup2bemum

    This is a great post and made me laugh!! Good to hear from a dad for a change!

  • Kezia Swanepoel

    This is such a cool post 🙂 Glad you are enjoying the great with the not sooo awesome!

  • Tim

    All very true, although I’m still refusing to switch over to Radio 2 on a point of principle!

    • Cheers Tim – I’m doing the same now, only with switching to radio 4 from 2!

  • Haha some great points and it is amazing the small things that change when you become a parent, the things you would never have thought about before!! Glad all is going well and you are enjoying the juggling that is parenthood 🙂 #mmwbh

  • Tom Briggs

    Great post! Much of it resonated with me and I read it with a smile on my face. Apart from the radio bit! You need 6Music in your life, man! 😉

    • Cheers buddy – 6Music?! That’s blown my mind, I only thought it went up to 4!

  • Sarah Szadbey

    Im really enjoying reading these blogs of yours while I use my “not so much fun bags anymore” to feed Lucy my newest addition. Totally agree with everything (especially taking back Sunday) apart from Radio 2! Planet Rock is where its at!! Keep up the good blogs, as I like decent reading material while breastfeeding at 2am. X

    • Thanks Sarah, pleased to know you’re entertained during late night feeds 🙂 Do I get any cred back if I say it is Radio 2, Mix 96 or XFM defending on my mood and location in the car. I blame Kerrang for shutting off their radio station! Hope all is going well with Lucy and the rest of the clan.

      • Sarah Szadbey

        You’ve said it now, I will forever have you down as a Radio 2 listener – makes sign of a cross with fingers whilst slowly backing away. My clan is good thank you, I actually think baby number 2 is way easier than a first baby, so you also have something else to look forward to 🙂 xx ps. Ive voted for you. So fingers crossed. Xx

        • Haha – I’ll have to edit the post so I don’t fall down in the estimations of others. Cool, pleased all is well. That’s good to hear – Baby L has been pretty easy so far so it sounds like baby number 2 will look after themselves! Awesome, thanks very much for the vote in the Love All Dads awards 🙂

  • Yvette Lamb

    Number 5 really made me laugh – yes, yes, yes! I used to park slightly on the pavement, thinking I wasn’t getting in the way of drivers, I now know the error of my ways since having a baby – tut, tut! Oh, and the house will probably get a lot worse once L starts (literally) throwing her toys around, slinging pieces of plastic toy rubbish down the stairs for you to trip on and crashing her walker into your leg / the door / the toilet. Just saying! 😉 #sharewithme #madmidweekbloghop

    • Thanks Yvette – terrible isn’t it? Strange how the mentality changes. I now feel really sorry for disabled people too who can’t use pavements because of how drivers park. Thanks for the heads up on the future, I better invent some slippers with interpretable soles!

  • Maria

    Your five reasons are very familiar (except maybe for the breast one). You present an interesting perspective on having a new born in the house. I’ve read countless of accounts from a mother’s point of view, but rarely from a father’s. And I say, your musings are very eye opening. I would have to agree with the utmost enthusiasm about the obstacle course, especially when shopping. It amazes me how many people I want to bludgeon (with spikes, as you suggested), when going shopping. Most don’t pay attention, or claim they don’t see me. Nevermind the fact that a pram quadruples my size as a human being, apparently I’m still very easy to spot. Thank you so much for sharing these. They truly are very enlightening to read.

    Maria
    cmntsblog.wordpress.com

    • Thanks for the comment Maria, much appreciated – Haha, yes the breast one is definitely mainly intended for a male audience! I think a lot of time that people are in their own worlds and genuinely don’t consider other people as they go during their day to day life. How many times does someone stop dead in front of you, totally unaware of those behind?! Pleased you like reading from a dad’s perspective, we are a minority, but there are plenty of good dad bloggers out there 🙂

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  • Love this! I think it’s true for all parents. The thing with the radio, too – I sort of realised I was listening to the “cool” stations in attempt to keep up with what was going on in the charts, and once I had my daughter I realised I didn’t give a flying **** who was number 1 or whatever; I switched to Radio 4!
    Thanks for linking up with #WeekendBlogHop!

    • Thanks! Haha, yeah I get what you mean about attempting to be cool with music these days. The sooner we all give up keeping up appearances, then better! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  • Jonathan Cardwell

    Excellent post. As a new dad (little man is 7 weeks tomorrow) the first point really resonated. You get used to it mighty quick because it happens so often. So much so that I’m considering renaming my own blog, Sh*t Under My Fingernails.

    • Thanks Jonathan. Haha very true. The thing I find strange is that I don’t even mind the look or smell of it. Strange, huh. You might find a new readership if you changed your blog name to that – could be a bit of a fetish site! Hope all is going well as a new dad.

  • Merlinda Little

    What an honest post! I think my husband’s thought exactly when he became a Dad =) #brillblogposts

  • Bonita Turner mamasVIB

    Ha ha … Great post! Lovely to read this from a dads point of view! So glad to have discovered you via #brilliantblogposts – will be stopping by again x

    • Thanks for visiting Bonita and pleased you like the post 🙂 Yep, us dads have opinions and thoughts too, we’re just not often listened to hahaha

  • Ha ha. I’m impressed you cope with the 3 ps. My OH is a farmer, but he can’t deal with any of them (well peeing is ok as N’s now potty trained)…I’m astounded that he can muck out cattle etc, but won’t deal with a nappy or bottom wiping. Disgraceful show by him

    • Haha, how strange. I’d take changing a dirty nappy over ramming my arm up a cow’s arse any day!

      • I’m with you there. Plus of course, he empties the cess pit. Weird warped mind he has.

  • Its funny how being a parent changes us. The hours you can spend talking about poo, it’s size, frequency, consistency. It becomes am obsession!Radio 2 is definitely a sign you are a parent! #binkylinky

    • Very very true. We had practice talking about things like poo and wee after we got the puppy last year. Our conversations haven’t really recovered since!

  • Love reading your article. Glad to see you can find humor in everything. Keep up the good work!

  • You Baby Me Mummy

    I LOVE this! I had laughing tears at the poo bit, but that may say more about me. I am glad you are relishing fatherhood and thanks so much for linking to #TheList x

  • Disillusioned Dad

    Absolutely love this, you’ve summed it up for me in numbers 1 and 2. I would expand on number 2, but a family blog is neither the time nor the place hahaha.

    • Thanks buddy – haha, yeah ditto. Got to keep some kind of filter though, eh?!

  • Now you mention it, while being the last person on earth to pick out combinations of attractive clothing items in advance, I do spend a lot of time on precisely that activity for both my children. Woe betide anyone in the family who dresses them in mismatching tops and bottoms! I have to actively stop myself from commenting when my eldest picks out his own clothes and does it wrong! Ha! Excellent observation.

    • Haha, strange how things change isn’t it. Hope you’ve warned your family that you could turn into the Hulk if the trousers don’t match the top 🙂

  • Victoria Welton

    Yep, that is definitely a Dad talking there! It is amazing how many changes you go through in such a short amount of time when you have a baby. Fab writing 🙂 Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂

    • Thanks Victoria! Yep, very true. It’s not the change that has surprised me, more how slowly they’ve crept up 🙂

  • Hannah Clarke

    I really enjoyed reading this and could associate I think all of them with changes in my husband too! Except the pinkness, don’t think our son would appreciate pics of him I’m frilly dresses in years to come! #TheList

    • Thanks Hannah! Haha, yep probably for the best. Although in today’s society, it wouldn’t be held against him if he did fancy a bit of pink 🙂

  • Ickle Pickle

    Ooooh this is funny! Think I am a bit rude to read some of it! Thank you for linking up with #BinkyLinky

  • Deborah Nielson

    This was a fabulous post about being a dad. I loved reading your frank comments about how you have changed. It is amazing everything changes when a baby enters the family.
    http://www.mommycrusader.com

    • Thanks Deborah – yeah, so many changes. Could probably write another couple of posts on the changes!

  • Steph @ Sisterhoodandallthat

    Really interested to read this from a man’s POV. I especially like the switch to ‘older’ music and that boobs are multi-functional ‘like a swiss-army knife’. Excellent!

    • Thanks Steph. The missus did look a bit confused when she read the swiss-army knife comment, but there is logic behind my comparison! 🙂

  • Super Busy Mum

    How ace is this post and I love hearing things from the Dads perspective. It’s such an insight! What a lovely little bundle too, look at her sleeping soundly, so precious. Thanks for much for linking up with #MMWBH 🙂

    • Thanks! Haha, yep people often forget that us Dads too have a perspective on things 🙂 Thanks for the linky 🙂

  • Let’s Talk Mommy

    What an awesome post. You sound like a great dad too getting into all the baby stuff and ways of life. It truly does change you. its good to hear it changes the dads as much as it changes the mothers. Welcome to parenthood! lol Great post. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round! #sharewithme

    • Thanks, and cheers for the compliment too! I’m not doing anything over and above what I’d expect to do, but guess not all blokes are as involved as me, which is a big shame for them (and their partner).

  • Mum’s Days

    hilarious post! – I’m glad to hear what I thought might be going on in my husband’s head actually written in black and white I’d say these were all signs I experienced when I became a mum. Even the boobs one!

    Thanks for linking up to #TheList

    • Cheers – haha, I can’t promise all of this was going through his head, but I’m sure a lot was 🙂 Thanks for the linky.

  • I love it! I too realised I was ageing when I started describing my nephew’s music as “terrible noise” #binkylinky

    • Thanks! I think the music and making a noise when you get up is the sign of getting old!

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  • bloggingastrid

    I laughed at your first two. These are totally foreign to me, not being a Mum (although I, being a woman, probably don’t consider boobs as sexy as men do). I do listen to oldie music though, but have all my life. Oh and congrats to baby L for being able to multitask so well, LOL.

    • Only laughed at the first two haha 🙂 Yeah I think some of these things may be a little bit alien to a straight female. Thanks for the congrats and commenting.

  • I loved reading this and could really identify with what you mentioned. When it comes to Radio 2, I’ve even found myself listening to Tony Blackburn because his show was better than what was on Radio 1 at the time.

    • Hey Jonathan, thanks for the comment and pleased it’s not just me 🙂 I know, I too have found myself listening to Tony Blackburn and thinking it is ‘refreshing’ compared to R1…

  • brummymummyof2

    I have never heard of boobs being compared to a swiss army knife. But you’re kinda right!!! Fab post x

  • Anna busby

    So annoyed I wrote a perfectly humorous reply and then disqus wouldn’t sign me n and I lost it all. Start again …won’t be the same
    I’ve luckily never had the triple whammy experience double but not triple. But let’s not go there…
    Boobs they are never fun and games with feeding leakage and it’s probably a good job you didn’t try the tenner stunt u’dve gotta a punch in the face lol…..
    haven’t quite got to the radio 2stage but get what you mean by that. I can’t listen to friday night radio anymore all the dubstep and ” banging ” tunes does my head in. Anyway waffling on … great post as usual made me lol.! selects all and copies b4 logging into to disqus this time .