5 Things I Probably Shouldn’t Do As A Dad

Like all good posts, let me start with a caveat…the title and content of this post does not relate to anything that would be considered for investigation in Operation Yewtree.

Instead, I am talking about those little things that you do as a parent which you know you probably shouldn’t do, but you do anyway. The things that you don’t mind talking about, but when you do, it is said in jest just in case anyone takes offence and shouts at you. I’m not talking about anything violent or dangerous, more little quirky things that have developed as you bond with the little one and begin to try to get used to life with a pipsqueak.

So, here are five things that I do with Baby L, which I probably shouldn’t be admitting to as Social Services may now get involved…

1) Turning her into Superbaby prior to a feed:  I like to think that this is the classic ‘airplane’ with a twist. Rather than bring the food to Baby L in a flying plane motion, I like to fly her to the food like a hungry Superman. This usually starts off with Baby L starting to root and obviously keen for a feed, so the missus begins to get herself ready to breastfeed. With boob out on show, I get the little one into a horizontal position facing down, with one of my arms supporting her upper chest and the other supporting her legs. Then comes the theme tune as Baby L begins to fly – daaa, da da da daaa, daa, daa, daaa. Daaa, da da da daaa, DAA, DAA, DAAA! It ends with me landing the Girl of Steel into Hayley’s exposed boob with a comedic crashing noise. I’ve done this a lot of times. And I mean A LOT. Yet I always chuckle to myself before getting shouted at by the missus. You’d think I’d learn, eh?! I am slightly worried about what this might mean when Baby L is older. I imagine that this may result in a kind of Pavlov’s dog situation where I’ve inadvertently conditioned Baby L to salivate and want to eat whenever Superman is on TV.

2) Using her as a human musical instrument:  This isn’t as cruel as it sounds and it does serve a purpose. I hope. I’m not talking about anything weird like trying to use her as a trumpet and attempting to get her to fart by blowing into her mouth. Rather I’m talking about using her as a drum whilst winding her. I’m not sure if this is all babies as I’ve not gone round hitting random kids on their backs before, but Baby L does feel a bit hollow. This means she produces a pretty cool sound when tapped on her back. I’ve been experimenting with the best positions to hold her in for optimal winding and sound production, and think I’ve settled on lying her face down across both knees. This means I can use both hands to create a beat – the left hand mimics the bass drum whilst the right is the snare. If everything is going right, sometimes I can even get her to burp or fart to the rhythm I’ve produced. I’m planning on going on tour next year so keep an eye out for tickets.

3) Carrying her like a rugby ball:  When we first got Baby L home, she felt like the most fragile thing in the world. Neither Hay or I have had much experience with babies, let alone newborns, so we were pretty scared about mishandling her and breaking this fragile little person. After a few days of not dropping her and realising she was sturdier than her appearance suggested, our confidence grew when it came to carrying and moving her around. So much so, that I began carrying her under my arm, not too dissimilar to a one arm carry in Rugby or American Football. Don’t worry, she’s more than happy like that and her head is securely supported so there’s no danger of her being dropped. I’ve even tested this out by doing shuttle runs in the garden with her under my arm and leaping up the stairs three-steps at a time to ensure that she is in safe hands.

4) Seeing how hungry she is with my nose:  During the NCT classes, we were told that a baby will start to suck and root when hungry. On getting Baby L home at just 12 hours old, it therefore made sense to me to test this theory when we thought that the little one might be a bit peckish. Rather than the missus having to test whether Baby L was hungry by popping out a nipple, I had the brainwave of using my nipple-like nose instead. If she started to suck on my nose, then it was time for a boob, if she wasn’t interested in my nose, then she didn’t need a feed yet. Other people may use a finger or dummy, but for some reason I thought that my nose would be the best option. To be fair, it did work and I still occasionally use this unusual method! Let’s hope that it soon dies out and she doesn’t have to do this when she’s 18.

Baby Sucking Dad Nose

It may not be recommended, but nose-sucking works!

5) Mimicking her crying:  It’s pretty annoying when a baby cries. It’s even more annoying when a baby cries but nothing is up with them. She’s been fed, she’s been changed, she’s had a cuddle etc etc. But still, she thinks it is acceptable to test out her lungs whilst I’m trying to watch the football. Selfish. So what does any good, self-respecting parent do? Cry back in their face and mimic everything that she does, of course! A little whimper – I can beat that. A full blown cry – ditto, I’m bigger and can scream louder than you, little one. To every “waaa” she utters, I reply back with a “WAAAA”. I don’t think that is actually helps the situation and comforts her, but it has made her stop mid scream once or twice as an inquisitive and shocked expression appears on her face, almost like she is questioning my parenting methods. I don’t appear to be the only one that does this though. I recently mentioned that I do this on Twitter and had a number of other people (who will remain nameless so that Social Services don’t add the to a watchlist) admitting that they did the same thing, with one even saying that she copies her kid’s tantrums by rolling around on the floor. It may not help the situation, but it definitely makes you feel better and more in control!

Just to confirm, all of these activities are done in the comfort of my own home. I’ve not done any of this outside. I’m not THAT weird!

Do you do anything as a parent that you know you probably shouldn’t? Any little traditions you started which have carried on as baby becomes little person? Share below and get it off your chest!

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  • mayhem muddles

    Ace! My first son, O fell asleep if I basically bounced him on my knee repeatedly and quite fast, it worked instantly much to the horror of the inlays!

    • Haha, got to do what works for you and the little one though. Baby L enjoys a vigorous bounce too 🙂

  • lianne

    Haha love it!! 🙂
    Hey we’ve all done the nose trick! 😉

    • Good to know that at least two of us are wrong in the head 🙂

  • Super Busy Mum

    Lol! Another awesome post and man….I miss those days where they suckle on your nose! As little as they are, they have some suckle on them huh! She is just a wee beauty as well. Thanks for linking up with #MMWBH x

    • Thanks – pleased I’m not the only one that does that. Definitely, I was very surprised at the sucking power they have!

  • Emma Lander

    hahaha I love it. I will try the nose thing myself I think and don’t be ashamed-get out and do it hehe.

    • Thanks Emma – haha, not quite sure if I’m ready to take my crazy outside the house yet 🙂

  • lucy Blossom

    Such cute little things, I think there are so many things you should and shouldn’t do with a child – mine likes being carried around upside down with her dad holding her feet – not something we generally do in public 😉

    • Very true Lucy – they are all quirks that make you parents and develop the bond with your little one. Haha, that’s a good one – I think Baby L might be a little fragile for that yet though 🙂

  • You Baby Me Mummy

    Brilliant! I love that picture. I have also mocked Baby’s crying and we always make her into SuperBaby x #MMBH

  • Let’s Talk Mommy

    Brilliant and the photo is so cute. I think you should do all those things that’s what makes you Dad. Great post. Enjoy every moment of it. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    • Thanks, I think I’ll continue and also try to come up with some new ones too 🙂

  • Tim

    Ha! We’ve all been there. I shudder to think how many things I’ve done with my kids that I wouldn’t care to admit. Love the photo, though!

  • London Mum

    I mimic the crying when I’m out too… oh dear oh dear! hahaha but the older he gets with each passing month the more aware he’ll become 😉 #brilliantblogposts

    • Very true – I look forward to the time that she verbally questions why I’m crying in her face 🙂

  • Mummy Tries

    What a lovely post! The nose sucking is so cute 🙂 #brilliantblogposts

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  • Rebecca U

    Haha brilliant! I think everyone does the sucking nose thing, right? Its so cute

    • Thanks Rebecca – judging by the comments, there are more people that do the nose thing than I expected! I’m no longer *that* weird 🙂

  • Parenting – you are DEFINITELY doing it right!

  • Sara (@mumturnedmom)

    I think my husband has done all of these at one point or another! In fact, I’ve done most of them too 🙂 Nose sucking is the cutest thing! #brillblogposts

  • Sophie Lovett

    Brilliant. This properly made me giggle! And all sounded very familiar… I find the copying the crying thing actually works remarkably well on my toddler, ending with both of us collapsing into giggles… In fact it’s laughing at inappropriate moments that’s probably what I do wrong most – I just wish he wouldn’t be so funny when he’s acting up!

    • Thanks Sophie – I can imagine not laughing is pretty difficult with the things that kids say / do 🙂

  • Steph (midlife mummy)

    Hahaha – I cannot believe I’m reading this!! It’s as if my husband had just put pen to paper (well, fingers to keypad!) and written this himself!!! I remember when Mr B used H as a superman and flew her round the kitchen with some sort of Cape on, he used her as a human play piece on our tiled kitchen floor whilst she was sat in her bumbo, and constantly dressed her up and popped the images on Facebook!!! Is this a general Dad thing then??? Too funny!

    • Haha, strange. It sounds like it must be a dad thing! Your husband sounds like my kind of guy! 🙂

  • Love the nose feeding that’s so cute!
    #MMWBH

  • Lol, love it. My husband does a lot of these things as well! The Superman thing prior to a feed is better than after it which is when my hubby tended to do it! Thankfully neither of my babies were particularly sicky babies otherwise he might have stopped doing it quite abruptly! 🙂

    • Haha – yeah I’ve not done it after feeds as Baby L does have a tendency to puke a little. I’ve made sure I’ve not made that mistake 🙂

  • Haha this post made me chuckle! I cant wait to see what silly things the Hubs does with our babba!
    xXx
    #BabyBabble

  • freefromfairy

    I love this post, it made me really laugh! I particularly like the nose sucking! Lovely photos too!

  • Cathie B

    Fab post and have been giggling away whilst reading

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  • Jenna Richards

    I love doing the nose sucking thing. I’m glad I’m not the only one! #TheList

    • Haha, nope, seems like we are all a bit strange, we just don’t normally tell people 🙂

  • Love the nose test! Such a cute picture too =)

  • Haha! Never thought of the nose test! Mr M always used his little finger! The nose test in winter… That might not be pretty! 🙂

    • Haha, yeah I’ve not thought about that – good job Baby L is a summer baby!

  • bloggingastrid

    I laughed at your semi-suggestion of using Baby L as a trumpet. I know you don’t do that and no father should. #1 sounds like she might actually love this when she’s slightly older. At least I used to love when my Dad would make me “fly”. Loving yoru humorous posts I can’t believe I don’t have you in my reader yet, so will add you now.

    • Thanks, much appreciated 🙂 Yeah, I always have memories of being flown around too 🙂

  • Susanne Remic

    Haha this has made me smile. You sound like a super fun dad and I am sure you will manage to embarrass her hugely when she is older! x x

  • Great post! Love the burping technique! May try it out on my niece! #Brilliantblogposts

    • You should – the sounds you can get out are incredible, particularly when mixed with burps and farts!

  • Rhiannon Morkus

    Hahaha I love these! My current one to add to this list is laughing at my toddlers melt downs. Especially when its because she ran out of yoghurt because she ate it all! #pocolo

    • Haha, bless her. Looking forward to these silly melt downs.

  • We also did the nose sucking and super baby, but the super baby was for our amusement, not to launch them towards food 🙂 #familyfriday

    • I’m surprised at the amount of people doing the nose sucking. Looks like I’m not as creative as I originally thought 🙂

  • Disillusioned Dad

    Hahahaha, another brilliant post. I used to tell people I carried my daughter like a ball and it was interesting to see what sport they associated it with, some would thing football, like I’m gearing up for a throw in, others would thing basketball and I’m holding her by the crown of the head with splayed out fingers and others would go with rugby ball tucked under the arm pit. Needless to say it was rugby, as oval is the only shape of ball for me.

    • Haha, the basketball one is a funny image. Dangerous, but funny!

  • Think I’ve done all of the above my self, read that crying back to your kid is key as it shows you understand. Love your honesty! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

    • Thanks! Interesting, looks like I’m helping with her development but didn’t realise 🙂

  • Jo Smith

    You are hilarious! Even the opening sentence had me laughing out loud. Wicked post… but everyone does it! (Oh, the superman one – did you put the bib on backwards like a cape too?!) #babybabble

    • Thanks Jo, pleased you liked. I’ve not done the backwards bib actually – main reason being that when I fly her into Hay’s boob, I want her to be ready to latch on and spinning the bib would delay 🙂 We do have a superman baby grow with cape though when she’s a little bigger 🙂

  • Victoria Welton

    Brilliant! I think every parent ever had done at least one of these (more if you are me and even more if you are Ross). Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo 🙂

    • Thanks – great to know that others do things too and I’m not off my rocker!

  • Very funny post, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there (just didn’t own up to it at the time!!) – in short they are all ways to interact with a little person who doesn’t do that much yet, except cry! So, in that case, it’s cute 😉 Thanks for linking #TheList

    • Thanks Hannah – yeh that might be the issue – people do it but don’t tell anyone as they fear they’ll be judged (and rightly so!). True, hadn’t thought about it as interacting and playing but I guess it is 🙂

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  • Awesome, these are great! I am very hesitant to test my daughter’s hunger with my nose after having her bite very hard on my finger. She left marks! Just a forewarning for you!

    I think these are 5 things you probably SHOULD do as a dad for as long as you can! Of course, not when she’s 18, but that gave me a funny visual! Great post, I’ll be looking forward to more good reading here!

    • Thanks for the warning RC, I think I’ll stop doing that as she starts teething! Very true, always good to parent in your own way (within reason!). Thanks, hope to see you here again soon 🙂

    • Yep. I think I stopped around the time he got teeth. That’s a world of pain you don’t forget quickly 🙂

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  • Fantastic! I can admit to doing number 5… #familyfriday

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  • john adams

    I may be guilty of one or two of these…

  • shannonagains

    I think these all seem pretty reasonable. I’ve been guilty of most (all?) of them too. 🙂 #ArchiveDay

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  • I used to love doing the nose thing. I’ve probably done each of these at one point 🙂

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  • Lol these are funny, we carry our toddler like a rugby ball purely so she wants to get down!

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