Dodgy Search Terms And A Perverted Blogging Audience

Since the start of the year, I’ve written a couple of posts that are a bit more risqué in content. There wasn’t really any logic or hidden motive behind my ramblings, but I’ve since noticed that the less ‘family friendly’ (but still relevant!) content has had a surprising – and perhaps unwanted – benefit on my blog.

In addition to my lovely regular readers, I’ve found that these posts have attracted a subculture of internet users –  those people, who I imagine, are sat at home on their own using a browser in ‘incognito’ mode looking for a cheap thrill…if you get what I mean.

I shouldn’t be *that* surprised after all. These dark and twisted posts I talk of have included, but are not limited to, comparing my six-month old daughter to a porn star, talking about drinking the missus’ boob juice (or ‘Booce’ as I plan to market it), picking our sexual freebie list of MILFs and DILFs and a tongue-in-cheek take on things to remember if having sex in the same room as a baby. Considering the key words in these posts, in hindsight, they were always likely to appeal to a slightly different audience.

Through the wonders of WordPress, I get to see *some* of the search terms that brings users to my blog (I say ‘some’ because Google is a lot more restrictive these days at sharing search terms). These are a pretty enlightening, and often a very scary, way of understanding the type of clientèle that arrive at my site. There were always a few random search terms, but these were mainly innocent in nature as people looked to learn more from my product reviews, find out what certain pregnancy terms meant or learn what is in store for an expectant dad, for example.

Now though, not a day goes by without me seeing a few dodgy search terms – searches that make me wonder whether the blog has become a place where people play with themselves, rather than play with their kids…still, a click is a click, right?!

One of my new favourite hobbies is to imagine myself being the person using these search terms – it goes a little something like this:

I close the curtains, sit down on the sofa, open my laptop, navigate to Google and then, with a slight trepidation, type in those thoughts I try to keep in the back of my mind. “The DADventurer” appears and I hesitantly hover my mouse over the link and click, whilst thinking ‘I don’t recognise this site but I’m in an exploratory mood’. Within seconds I’m VERY disappointed that the site isn’t quite what I was looking for – I rapidly click ‘Back’ and choose a site that contains a few more x’s.

Now that the context is set and I’ve hyped it up so much, let me share with you some of the more intriguing search terms which have brought this new audience to two of my most risqué posts. Just remember, someone has actively typed this into a search engine which makes you question what the hell they were hoping to find…

 

Choosing Our MILFs And DILFs Sexual Freebie List

  • Milf listWhen writing this post, I searched for exactly the same thing so I consider this ‘normal’…
  • Cool things about milfsObviously the fact that milfs are milfs is not good enough for this chap – he wants some hidden talents.
  • Milf email addressSearching on Google to find email addresses of hot mums…hmmm, slightly concerning.
  • List of names of sex milf video Not only does this person want to know about milfs, he wants to *see* them in action too.
  • Milfs on the gameI’ll only sleep with a prostitute if they are a hot mum – I’m picky like that!
  • Milfs no sex twitterI want to find hot mums on Twitter that I’d like to sleep with but I don’t want them to sleep with me – huh!
  • Milfs who like latino boy for sexThis sounds like some kind of South American rent boy service that is in the process of being set up. 

Drinking The Wife’s Breastmilk

  • Drinking boobs milkFair enough, they were probably inquisitive – drinking breast milk is a taboo, but it shouldn’t be.
  • Wifes milkie boob husband drinking – I love this due to ‘milkie boob’ and the terrible sentence structure!
  • How to drink milk in boobsIsn’t it pretty obvious how to get milk out of a boob – not like you can stick in a straw is it?!
  • Can husband suck boobs of his wife like his mothers boob – WTF?! Suck his wife’s boobs like he does with his mum?!
  • Boy kissing the boobs and drinking milkKissing and drinking? This definitely feels like it has crossed a line.
  • I love seeing my wife breastsAmen, brother, don’t we all. Maybe look at them in the flesh rather than Googling though, eh?
  • Dog sucking boobs drinking milkThanks buddy, that’s my first bestiality search term. Bet you were disappointed when you came to the blog!
  • I like to drink my wife’s breastmilk she also agree to do thisAt least is is a shared interest – also, love the formality.
  • Forced to drink breast milk Either this is a weird fetish or the person is suffering domestic abuse at home.
  • My wife tit milkHahaha, love the term ‘tit milk’. Pretty sure this wasn’t mentioned at NCT classes though.
  • How to get milk from boobs no marriedBecause everyone knows that breast milk is only produced when you’re married.
  • Wife breast milk coffeeBecause sometimes the only milk you have in the fridge is via the missus.

Have you ever written anything which has ended up attracting a slightly different audience to your blog? What is your favourite search term that has ever brought someone to your blog? Should I be worried that I’m probably now considered an ‘adult site’? Let me know below!

Post included on the following linkies:

Super Busy Mum

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Post Comment Love
The List
Friday Frolics

Featured Image from Creative Commons License MoneyBlogNewz via Compfight

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  • Hannah Budding Smiles

    Hahaha Love it! Milkie boob! Oh I need to go through my webmaster tools now and see if there are any hidden gems in there. My most frequent search term a while back was carrot cake. Most disappointing.

    • Haha. Carrot Cake?! I’m just picturing your blog full of photos and recipes for carrots and cake.

  • Beau is Blue

    Hahaha!! This is so funny! LOL’d at tit milk! What weirdos! Great read 🙂

    • Thanks! I can’t take the credit though, it’s all the weirdos that have helped! 🙂

  • Tom Briggs

    I once wrote a completely innocent post about how my older son hated the bath. I ended it by saying that, by the time he liked it, he’d almost be a teenager. Cue some sicko landing on my blog with the search “dad and teenage son having bathtime fun”. WTF is wrong with some people?!

    • Haha unlucky, that’s quite a search term to get to your blog. Makes you think about what you write doesn’t it?!

  • Ah, hilarious! Some of these terms are fantastic, I can’t decide what is funnier tit milk or milkie boob, I think milkie boob wins though!
    I have no idea what people search terms have led people to my blog, nothing as funny as I am sure!
    Thanks for a laugh on a grey Wednesday morning!

    • Agree – both terms are epic! Thanks, pleased it gave you a laugh 🙂

  • Art.Street.Life

    Since our blog name is Art Street Life I guess a lot people are very disappointed when they find we post photos of graffiti and post boxes!

  • Hahaha Hilarious. And yes a click is a click I suppose. I haven’t yet come across any interesting search words except stalking which is freaking but it does look like it’s in my title. lol Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    • Thanks! I’d never seen that before Let Stalk Mommy – puts a totally different slant on your blog doesn’t it!

  • freefromfairy

    Oh my god that mad me laugh out loud!!!! I love the list of google searches that people have made and stumbled across you. Hilarious…especially the ‘boob milk’ ones!!!!

    • Thanks! Haha yeah there’s some weird searches isn’t there!

  • Hilarious. The Internetz is weird.

    #share with me

  • Rachel Kowalski

    Brilliant! Hubby and I have giggled a lot at this!

  • Mornapiper

    These are amazing. I’m obviously going to have to go through all your previous posts now to read the more risque ones. Is this what I have to stoop to to increase my traffic?

    • Haha thanks – yep, just throw in some risque terms and the traffic will increase! 🙂

  • Mummy Giggles Blog

    Hilarious and scary. Love your take on them #BrilliantBlogPosts

  • Charlotte Oates

    The one about the dog made me laugh out loud!! Have you ever looked at search terms on Google webmaster tools, you get a lot more info than using Google analytics.

    • That one scares me – why would people want to see that haha. I’ve not looked at Webmaster for the blog, but probably should! I could turn this into a series!

  • John Adams

    Never ceases to amaze me what search terms people use to find my blog. The perverts are small in number…but they do exist..

    • Very true – sounds like you’re speaking from experience haha

  • Love it! Laughing to self in Starbucks right now…. Think I probably look like one of those “people” to some… I always wonder why incognito mode exists too…

    My personal fave has to be “tit milk” …. dear oh dear!

    Cracking post Dave

    • Thanks mate – were you that weird person laughing to themselves in public. Tit milk haha.

  • Lottie

    I’ve had a similar issue since posting about my teenagers and sex. My favourite search term was ‘English Sex Banana’ which I found intriguing… is there such a thing? At all?

    • English sex banana – if it doesn’t exist, create it! 🙂

  • Louise Collier

    Haha, so funny! People are weird. I have had a couple of strange ones, but nothing sexxxual yet! #MMWBH

    • Thanks! I like how you say *yet* – what you got planned?!

  • kidGLloves

    The Mother says – Just choked on my cuppa reading this. So funny. Love it, especially the ones about breastfeeding and the very formal search engine one chappie used. Great post (and I didn’t show this to Lucas for obvious reasons!) #sharewithme

    • Haha thanks – yeh prob best not to share it with kids! 🙂

  • Jen

    A few years ago on an old blog of mine, search engine terms included : vagina luxuriant hair, girl suffocated by hand, girls crying, crying hand face and wench for sale.

    Needless to say, I was concerned.

    • Haha they’re awesome – is that how why you had to get a new blog?!

  • Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks

    This is hilarious! Tit milk…..

  • Oh dear dear me! Aren’t you glad these people are stuck behind their keyboard haha. Imagine how disappointed they were

    • I know, I feel bad for probably getting them excited then disappointed straight after!

  • You Baby Me Mummy

    OMG! What a bunch of weirdos! 🙂 Very funny though, thanks for linking up to #TheList x

  • Victoria Welton

    WEIRD!!! Very funny though. I know I had a really dodgy search on my blog once but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was! Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo 🙂

  • Hahaha!! That makes me feel so much better…

    It all started with ‘NEVER Bungee Jump in a Bikini’

    From there we went to: Gym Knickers & High School Humiliation (29 hits today) …Don’t get me started on the search terms that’s led people there…

    Most lately: Dancing Genitals on Swedish Children’s Channel
    http://misplacedbrit.com/parenting/dancing-genitals-on-swedish-children-channel/

    …At least having learnt from the first two I added some slightly more ‘keeping the search engine real -CHILDRENS- words here!

    I think it’s a great question & a relevant one… Are all hits, hits and that’s just a good think then? I certainly don’t think any of those hits stick around 🙂

    • Haha dancing genitals. I think my bounce rate has gone up pretty high as a result of these people who don’t stick around. I guess it depends if people want views or things like bounce rate!

  • OMG I am crying with laughter. You need to make some kind of badge for your blog “perverts welcome” or your strapline could be “For mums and dads and those with a penchant for Bestiality.” Thanks for Linking #FridayFrolics

    • Haha thanks. I think that’s a great idea – will have to think up a new strapline, although it might put off my parent audience – maybe I can link the two somehow…hmmm….

  • Well that has certainly brightened up a rainy Saturday afternoon!! Hilarious! I particularly love your “still a click is a click, right?!” Am now going in search of a follow-up post as your stats must be even crazier after this post!

  • Emily Tealady

    This made me laugh out loud. I have a Lot of tea ladies searching for how to be a tea lady, and lots about tea shops in mumbles, nothing as exciting as these

  • Cassandra Mayers

    Haha, Thats so funny! My blogs fairly new so I haven’t yet but I’m wondering what my first weird search will be 😀
    This made me giggle the most –
    I love seeing my wife breasts – Amen, brother, don’t we all. Maybe look at them in the flesh rather than Googling though, eh?