It’s funny thinking that my baby daughter will not always be a baby. She’s already altered so much in 10 months and it appears that these changes will only get quicker and more drastic as time progresses.
These changes don’t really scare me though. I’m more than happy to embrace all of the stuff that comes with her growing up, although I’m not quite ready for boys and periods just yet.
Thinking about the future is quite strange though, particularly as there’s so many unknowns. What will she look like? What will her personality be like? Where will she live? What will make her happy? What will she be interested in? What will her job be?
Although some things won’t be defined until way in the future, I think there are certain elements that are already starting to shine through and give us a glimpse of the future Adult L. I’d like to think that she’s showing some of the skills, attributes and ability that she may need for her chosen career, or careers, in the future.
With this in mind, here are three possible career paths that Baby L may choose to go down based on her current skill set.
Thief / Pick Pocket / Burglar
This isn’t quite the aspirational career I want my daughter to pursue. I’d imagine that staying on the right side of the law is always the preferred choice of any parent. Having said that though, the guys from Ocean’s Eleven had a pretty good, extravagant life, so perhaps I’m being too quick to write this off as a viable alternative.
Why do I think that she may be heading down the same path as Catwoman? Well, she just loves to steal everything. Like most criminal activity, it started off with small things before escalating to more high-end items. Coasters were replaced by car keys, pieces of paper were exchanged for mobile phones and the dog’s toys soon made way for handbags and purses.
The latter is a particular worry. If she sees an unoccupied bag, she’s over to it in a flash. Within seconds, she’s managed to not only get in the bag, but also rummage through and steal something of value. I actually found her with a £10 note the other day which she’d plucked out of my wallet.
It’s not all bad news though – I’m starting to turn this skill to my advantage. When we’re out or at baby classes, I will often create a diversion to allow her to wander over to a bag and find something of value. In just a few weeks, we’ve already managed to acquire £85 in cash, two credit cards, three car key and a few tampons.
Wrestler / Cage Fighter / Boxer
Baby L is well on her way to having a career in a violent sport. I’m not quite sure as to which she’d be most suited to, but her ten and a bit months on this planet have certainly shown she’s got a taste for brutality. She may be small and cute, but underestimate her at your peril.
Whereas some babies may accidentally scratch, nip or bite, there is nothing accidental about it when Baby L
steps crawls forward. The girl thrives on blood and often lets out a little giggle as you yelp in pain at her no holds barred attitude.
I don’t wish to make light of domestic abuse, but I do sometimes feel like I’m suffering from it at the hands of my daughter. I’ve been battered and bruised continually for the last few months. As I write this, I currently have a bloody scratch mark on my top lip from her Freddy Kruger-esque finger nails.
But that’s not all. I often find that I am in danger of a serious beating if my head is anywhere near those cute but deadly little hands. Eyes, nose, tongue, lips, ears and hair are all objects of intrigue and violence as she grabs, picks and jabs my facial features. Failing to wear a t-shirt around the sprog is also a big no-no as it ends in pain. She particularly likes twisting my nipple, grabbing my chest hair and trying to pull off a mole on my stomach.
I’m sure you’ll agree, all of these techniques may be a little untoward, but would give her the advantage if she was ever in the ring or octagon. Are we looking at a future UFC Women’s Strawweight Champion or WWE Divas Champion? It maybe too early to tell, but she’s certainly showing that she’s got the skills.
Chef / Food Critic / Competitive Eater
Baby L is a big fan of food. In fact, most of her life revolves around eating. So, it’s hardly surprising to predict that food may still play such a big part in her future career. She’s been eating solids since just before she was six months old – during this time, she’s tried plenty of different foods with seemingly the same end result – a love for anything edible.
The possibilities are endless in terms of food-related jobs. She could use her culinary skills to become a food critic or a leading chef with a host of Michelin star restaurants. This could lead to cook books, TV shows, her own range of condiments and, ultimately, loads of money to look after the missus and I in our old age. She’s already a fan of weird concoctions – I may have fed her prawns in porridge and chicken in strawberry yoghurt in an attempt to boost her calorie intake.
But this isn’t the only way she could become rich. She could also potentially become a competitive eater with the ability to wolf down huge amounts of food in minutes, which could lead to her own Baby vs Food TV series. She already has a deceptively large appetite for someone so small, which suggests a career such as this may not be too unrealistic.
Failing that, she could always just pile on the pounds and become a huge fatty – in a culture which provides notoriety and fame for those who are different, she could cash in on her huge appetite by appearing on Embarrassing Bodies and A Year To Save My Life, or even a Channel 5 documentary such as The Fifty Stone Baby.
Those are Baby L’s three most likely careers based on her unique abilities at 10.5 months old. I’m sure the next few months will see additional skills and potential careers become apparent. What jobs would your little one(s) be good at? Have they got any talents which would be an asset in the workplace?