I’ll put it out there right at the start – I’ve tasted the wife’s breast milk and I don’t think it’s *that* weird.
I’m not saying that I latch on, that I down pints of the white stuff or that I pour it over my cereal, but I don’t think trying it out of curiosity or to test the temperature is as odd as people make out.
It’s a subject often greeted with both disgust and intrigue – a bit like dogging in that regard. I personally can’t really see why though – let’s be honest, whether we care to admit it or not, we’ve tasted other bodily fluids in our lives, be it kissing or what often happens after kissing…
My first taste of boob juice – or booce as I’ve named and trademarked it – occurred when I started giving Baby L bottles. I accidentally left the milk in the bottle warmer a bit longer than I probably should have and was met with an expression of shock and pain as I gave the bottle to the little one. Being upstairs on the bed with the sprog crying in my arms, I didn’t really care about myself as my mind was on her and ensuring I’d not scolded those toothless gums.
Like any good man taking one for the team, I put the teat to my mouth, tilted my head and had a suck. The taste was anything but unpleasant. In fact, shock horror, it tasted like milk! Yes, it was a bit warmer than I was used to and had a slight tang, but it hardly made me stick my fingers down my throat in order to be violently sick.
Since then, I’ve repeated the same process a handful of times when I’ve left the milk on a little too long or when Baby L has reacted in a slightly strange way to the bottle. When parents don’t think anything to sucking bogies from their child’s nose, gagging when their crap gets under the fingernail or eating mushed up food that has been in the kid’s mouth, I’d argue that drinking milk is pretty normal in comparison.
Out of interest, I had a quick Google to see what came up about drinking the wife’s breast milk. I thought I’d share a couple of my favourites:
- Bodybuiders turn to breast milk to bulk up – Bodybuilders are supposedly known to buy breast milk online or take supplements made from colostrum in order to help them get bigger. The theory being that breast milk is filled with good fats, carbohydrates and calories which Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabes believe will make them bigger and stronger.
- Restaurant sells breast milk ice cream – A London ice-cream parlour started selling a concoction of breast milk with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest, which was then freshly churned into ice cream. This delicacy, which had liquid nitrogen poured into the glass and was served with a rusk. was called Baby Gaga and would set you back £14.
- Can I drink my wife’s breast milk? – A study of global Google searches showed what weird things father’s really wanted to know – not surprisingly, a few of these related to breastfeeding. In particular, “Can I drink my wife’s breast milk” was one of the top search terms in India, whilst searching for “my husband wants” returns “my husband wants me to breastfeed him” as the top search term. In addition, the most common search result was “how to breastfeed my husband” when the phrases “how to” and “my husband” were combined together in a search.
- Grown man is sexually aroused by drinking wife’s breast milk – A man admitted that he has a fetish for breastfeeding and he latches on to his wife’s boobs to drink milk during foreplay. The wife is equally as weird as she not only lets him do it, but gets turned on too by the experience. What’s more, without drinking breast milk, the unlucky bloke isn’t able to ‘get it up’.
- Man living entirely off his wife’s breast milk – A man decided to start drinking the large supply of breast milk his wife had built up as they were going to move house and transporting it all would have been too costly. In order to get his daily calorie intake, the man drank 66 ounces of breast milk per day and blogged about his experiment – the blog no longer exists, so I’m not quite sure what happened…
So there we have it. If you thought I was weird at the start of this post, at least you know there are weirder people out there. I can promise that I’m not a bodybuilder, that I’ve not eaten breast milk ice-cream, that I haven’t turned to Google for help, that I don’t get turned on by it and that I’ve not replaced solids with milk.
Have you tried breast milk, either your own or your partners? If so, what did you think, and if not, why not? Time for me to end this post now, all of a sudden I really fancy a glass of milk.