The NeverEnding Trousers

As I swapped Baby L out of her sleep suit into her normal gear this morning, I realised that despite all of the change of the last seven months, one thing had remained constant. You’d maybe expect me to say something profound like ‘change has been the only constant’ or ‘the one constant has been my ever growing love for her’…but I’m not going to.

Instead, the one thing that has remained the same throughout the past seven months is a pair of blue and white polka dotted trousers which have been a staple of her wardrobe even before she was born. That isn’t too impressive for an adult, but remember that this is a baby. A baby that has developed and grown exponentially during this time period. A baby that has bulked up from a birth weight of just 5lb 14oz to something which is now around triple that size.

I know, I can tell that you’re astonished by this revelation and asking the question as to how these trousers still fit. Well, let me blow your mind even further (if possible). These H&M trousers are actually sized 1-2 months! Baby L is on the small side – around the bottom 10% of babies her age so the ‘red book’ informs us – but there is no way she should still be wearing trousers for sprogs so much her junior! How can these trousers have lasted her for seven months of her life?

This leads me to a couple of different conclusions, although I’m yet to establish which one is correct:

  1. The trousers have magical powers
  2. The trousers are actually a living organism and are growing by themselves
  3. Someone is messing with me and changing the trousers every month but keeping the original label
  4. Baby L’s legs aren’t growing at the same rate as the rest of her body
  5. I’m living in a boring groundhog day dream which is centered around a pair of trousers

The first time she wore the trousers was at about 10 hours old as we were getting ready to leave the hospital. They were one of a couple of pairs of trousers that we packed in our hospital bags and the first ones we tried on her. They were absolutely massive and swamped her tiny legs and waist, however we didn’t really have the luxury of loads of small baby clothes.

small baby l blue trousers

As Baby L was more compact than we expected, mainly due to being 2.5 weeks early, we didn’t have any premature or tiny baby clothes – we thought that 1 month or 0-3 months clothes would be fine – we were wrong. But, in those first few days when we couldn’t get to the shops, she just had to make do with what clothes we had – these blue and white trousers were one of the smallest items of clothing we had, despite being way too big for her. The result is some pretty ridiculous looking photos.

After buying some smaller clothes, these trousers were relegated to the sidelines for a month or so until she bulked up – they then returned with a vengeance. Still big around the waist, we didn’t mind so much this time as they made Baby L look less clown-like. Since then, she has worn the trousers for the past four or so months and is sporting them as I write (photo at the top of this post). I’m unsure as to how long they will last, but truth be told, they are still a little baggy around her waist so I’m guessing we have a good few months of use still.

Baby L trousers

I know that these neverending trousers will, sadly, come to an end one day. I can hope that a 23-year old Baby L will still be wearing these snazzy feeted trousers, but alas, that probably won’t happen. Still, I view these trousers like a second child – to be fair, we have had them longer than Baby L! Maybe when it’s time for them to retire, we’ll get them stuffed or have them framed on the wall.

Whatever happens, we will never forget your months of loyal service. Thank you my friend.