Do you ever think that your kid does stuff to purposefully make you look like a bad parent?
Over the last month or so, I’ve noticed that Toddler L is going out of her way to embarrass, humiliate and shame me whenever she gets the chance. At just under 22-months old, you may think I’m being a little over dramatic and it’s all coincidence.
Bollocks to that. That doe-eyed look doesn’t work on me any more. I’m on to her.
As cute, awesome and adorable as she is, my daughter is also ruthless, vindictive and in league with the devil.
Don’t believe me? Then check out these examples of how she purposefully makes me look like a bad parent.
Crying Wolf: As Toddler L’s vocabulary continues to grow, one word – if you can call it that – which features pretty prominently is “owww”. She understands that this is the noise to make when (a) she hurts herself, (b) she’s pointing to a previous injury, e.g. a scrape, (c) she hurts me / the missus / the dog, and (d) she’s trying to meow like a cat. However, she also likes to shout it in situations that don’t warrant the word – most notably when I’m trying to hold her hand or pick her up when we’re in public. I swear that she does it to draw attention to me and make it look like I’m abducting or hurting her.
Untidy House: Pre-sprog, our house never reached show home status. I wouldn’t call it ‘untidy’, but it was definitely lived in and we weren’t that fussed if stuff was left out rather than being put away. However, introducing a toddler – and her toys – into the mix means that things are now constantly messy. I obviously tidy up her crap at the end of a day, but don’t really bother during the day as she’s only going to make it untidy again. It always seems like she’s at her most destructive and chaotic when someone pops around unexpectedly – I’m pretty sure that when friends, the postman, delivery guys etc get a peek into the living room, they’ll come to the conclusion that I can’t cope with balancing a kid and the home. They’re only partly correct.
Makes Me Look Like A Liar: Whenever she has an audience, Toddler L likes nothing better than making me look like I’m fabricating the truth. When it’s just me and her, she does loads of cute things and is pretty good at performing on command – much like the dog. However, when we’re around other people and I ask her to do something, she looks at me with a clueless expression. It happens all of the time – “Toddler L, can you show Mummy the actions from the Swashbuckle song?”, “Toddler L, can you climb into your high chair for Grandma?”, “Toddler L, show Andy how to do a roll on the floor”. Nothing! All that’s left is me looking humiliated and disgraced in public.
Beats Herself Up: Due to her adventurous – and sometimes clumsy – nature, Toddler L often sports bruises, scratches and other marks on her body. Recently, she’s had bruised shins, scraped knees, grazed hands and a cut lip – all of these have been at the same time and through her own doing. I’m not suggesting that she’s deliberately hurting herself to make me look bad, however I wouldn’t be surprised if she was. When other people see these marks, not only does it suggest that I can’t watch her properly, but I’m genuinely worried that one day someone will call Social Services.
So those are four examples of how my toddler makes me look like a bad parent. Do any of these sound familiar? Does your kid do anything to show you up? Let me know below.[jetpack_subscription_form subscribe_text=”Like what you’ve read? Want more? Pop in your email to get all of the latest posts.”]