Is An Octopus More Accurate Than A Doctor?

We went to the Doctors today. Having found out Hayley was pregnant two days ago, it felt like we should tell someone. Who better to confide in than a trained medical professional?

Having only done one pregnancy test, I still wasn’t 100% convinced that my little swimmers had done the job they were created for. Yes, the test was positive, but mistakes can happen. I’m no mathematician or statistician, but I’m well aware of the cataclysmic dangers that a false-positive can bring.

I’m the type of person that likes to double-check, then triple-check, something first before I know it’s going to happen. Blame five-years in the corporate sector for that foible. Thus with something as big as siring a child, a big part of me wanted to confirm that the seed was sown prior to getting too excited.

After the customary delay in being seen at the Doctors, we walked in and Hayley declared that she thought she was with child. To that proclamation, the Doctor congratulated us and asked a few details about when the missus came off the pill, when her last period was etc. She then calmly looked at a cardboard wheel – which looked like it’d been fashioned by a group of nursery kids – before confirming that we were pretty likely to be around seven-weeks pregnant.

Hang on a minute! Pretty likely? Is this the best that modern medicine can give us? She’s my wife and I love her dearly, but shouldn’t she be laying on her back, legs up in stirrups with the Doctor rummaging around inside checking that there is in fact my spawn in there? At the very least, can’t you take some blood or get her to piss into a cup to check that we didn’t have a faulty pregnancy test!

But no, all we get is a pregnancy wheel which calculates the due date based on Hay’s pretty poor memory of when the painters were last in. I’d have been happier if the Doctor had pulled back the curtain to have revealed Mystic Meg or Paul the Octopus rather than some kind of archaic paper-based method.

So we went home, none-the-wiser as to whether the wife was pregnant or not. On the plus side, we did get given a couple of pregnancy magazines with vouchers for some freebies, so it wasn’t completely a wasted trip!