Sizing Up The Fruit Of My Loins

What is it with comparing my offspring to fruit and veg? I’ve got an app on my phone – called “I’m Expecting” – which is a fantastic and informative app for the expectant father that has no clue. It explains what is happening to both the baby and mum, along with tips, hints and videos.

One of the quirky things they do is compare the size of the baby to fruit or veg. I’ve watched as the baby has gone from being a pea through to a blueberry to a cherry to a raspberry to an apple, for example.

However, this relies on the premise that you actually know what the fruit or veg in question is, let alone how big it is! The moment of confusion finally came on Week 22 when the fruit of my loins – no pun intended – was compared to a papaya. Now I’ve heard of a papaya and may even have eaten part of one in a ready-prepared fruit salad, but I’ve never bought one and probably couldn’t pick one out.

I like to think that I’m fairly well-educated and well-travelled, but if you don’t know what item your baby is being compared to, then the comparison becomes pretty pointless. It’s almost like when someone says you look like the brother of their old best friend’s previous flatmate. Pointless!

I had a quick flick forward through the app and I’m afraid to say that more unknown fruit is on the horizon, namely a kumquat, bok choy, cantaloupe and eggplant. Maybe next time I go to Tesco I’ll create my own pregnancy version of Supermarket Sweep in which I go wild in the aisles quickly dashing around looking for an unknown piece of fruit.