Why I Propose That All Baby Names Should Be Banned

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about how difficult we found it to come up with a name for Baby L. We got there in the end, but I now have a radical proposal which I think is a better option. Let’s get rid of baby names!

I don’t mean let’s live in a society where no-one has a name, I more mean that until a baby reaches an age where they need a name, why not do away with the hassle and stress of trying to come up with a name for the sprog? Expectant parents have so much to contemplate and worry about, that I propose we take one of the many considerations off their plates.

All that time spent looking at baby name lists, deciding whether the name reminds you of someone, figuring out if there are any words that rhyme with the name and even seeing whether the initials spell out any profanities, could be better spent doing something else. We probably spent close to 24 hours thinking about and talking about baby names – that’s an entire day we could have spent going out, watching TV or getting groovy in the sack.

The reason I say this is because neither the missus or I call Baby L by her name. I’ve used the little one’s actual name a handful of times in her eight weeks of life, with this mainly being in social situations when we’ve introduced her to someone. Instead, we have an array of different nicknames that we use when we talk to her or talk about her which has become our preference.

I know it’s not quite the same as the dog is a dog, but we also do this with Dax. His actual name is rarely used as we prefer to use one of his many nicknames which probably goes somewhere to explaining the confused expression on his face.

So let’s do away with baby names and instead use nicknames. This has a couple of advantages. Firstly, you don’t get bored with the same name. Secondly, it makes you more unique and memorable. And finally, it makes it much easier to forge a career as a professional wrestler.

So, for full disclosure, this is all of the names I can remember that we’ve called both Baby L and Dax:

Baby L’s NicknamesDax’s Nicknames
Milky BabyStinky Pete
MilksLittle Bear
DumplingSausage
PuddingSausagey
PeanutDaxund
Stinky BumDogio
SpudPuppy
Grumble KnickersDog
ChubsterCanine
Pork ChopPoo Bear
Farty BabyDaxie
BabaGrumble Bum

So what do your reckon? Do you fancy joining my campaign to rid pregnant mums and dads of the pain of baby naming? What nicknames did you / do you use for your little one?

Photo credit: Mikey via Compfight

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