I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – babies are annoying. Sure, it’s not their defining feature, but it’s certainly up there as one of the first
ten five three adjectives that come to mind when I think of those little, squishy, bundles of joy.
The thing is, I’d actually forgotten just how annoying babies are. At four years old, L’s baby days are a long time ago now – so long, in fact, that I appear to have put what life with a baby is like to the back of my mind. Then, we had out second child, ‘Beetle’ – with his birth and subsequent development over the last seven months, all of those little irritations and niggles have come flooding back.
With that in mind, here are four of the most annoying things I’d forgotten – and now remembered and relived – about babies:
1) Spitting Out Their Dummy
This is up there as one of the most annoying things that both my kids have done. For us, a dummy has been used as a tool to calm them down when crying and as a sleep aid. Usually, when it’s time for a nap or to go to bed at night, we’ll pop a dummy in ‘Beetle’s’ mouth, watch his heavy eyes slowly close, then put him down. The same happened with L.
Of course, the reality is slightly more convoluted than that and often involves multiple trips to visit him in the bedroom, along with excessive rocking, shushing and patting to calm him down. More often than not, the reason for this disturbance is because he no longer has his dummy to suck on.
The really annoying thing about this though is that he’s the one removing the dummy! He either spits it out and cries or takes it out with his hand and cries – if he just kept it in there, there’d be no issue and everyone would be happier. Unfortunately, if we ignore the ‘frowned upon’ method of Duct tape across the mouth, the only solution is to keep picking it up and popping it back in until he finally surrenders to sleep.
2) Only Happy When Held Stood Up
As someone who enjoys a good sit – and lie – down, imagine my annoyance when I discovered that my little lad only really likes to stand up. That’d be fine if he could do it himself, but at just seven months old, we’re miles away from that feat.
I remember that L too preferred to be held standing up, but she was equally happy sitting or laying on us. Not ‘Beetle’ though – unless he’s asleep in our arms or we’ve managed to put him onto or into some baby contraption, his chosen position is being held by us when we’re standing up. If you dare sit down, he’ll vocalise his displeasure. Loudly.
There’s a couple of reasons why this is annoying. Firstly, he’s heavy. L was always on the smaller side, which made carting her about easier than her chunky brother. Secondly, I’m three years older, and therefore three years more knackered. My legs ache, my back is sore and I want to spend my time sat down, not aimlessly wandering around the living room. Grrr.
3) Rolling Over And Getting Stuck
One of the first notable milestones you’ll reach with your baby is when they roll over – either from their back to their front or from their front to their back. ‘Beetle’ first did this at around four months of age, and since then, has been continuing to work on this pancake-inspired flipping.
The issue with this is that just because they can roll from one side to the other, it doesn’t mean that they can do it back again. This will come with time and practice, but for a period, you’re baby is going to get stuck and cry the house down until you intervene like some kind of human forklift truck.
This can be pretty annoying. Maybe not the first time, maybe not even the second. But once you’ve hit the 13th consecutive time of flipping them over, often whilst you’re trying to do something useful like put the washing away, I’d defy anyone not to feel a little irritated with their precious bundle of joy.
4) Everything Goes Into The Mouth
Another thing I’d forgotten about babies is how everything – and I mean everything – has to go into their mouths. I understand that this is all about exploring the world around them and potentially helping during teething, however I’d love it if they could use one of their other senses rather than feeling the need to ram stuff into their gob.
Firstly, it’s a bit unhygienic. Sure, it’ll build up their immune system which is great, but the idea of sucking on the dog’s bed or licking the baby changing table in the public toilets is more likely to send them to A&E.
Secondly, it coats everything with baby saliva, in a not too dissimilar way to how Slimer leaves behind green slime on everything in Ghostbusters. Hands, t-shirts, remote controls, phones, wallets etc etc etc – anything in their reach will soon end up a dripping mess thanks to their curious mouth.
So those are four annoying things I’d forgotten about babies. What would you add to the list? Let me know below!