The fact that I’m a dad is nothing new. I’m well aware that I’ve sired two children and my ragged face is evidence of said achievement. However, just recently I’ve been feeling more and more like a dad because of what’s been coming out of my mouth. Dadisms.
This is the name given to those corny sayings, questionable words of wisdom or overused phrases associated with dads. I usually hate defining a group based on a characteristic or stereotype – you know, like ‘dad dancing’ or ‘dad bods’ – but my increasing use of certain sayings may indicate that dadisms are a thing. In reality, they’re probably more ‘parentisms’, but for the purpose of this post, I’ll stick to calling them ‘dadisms’.
I’m not sure when, why or how they started. I can only assume that it’s something that kicks in when (a) you become a dad, (b) you hit a certain age and (c) your child hits a certain age (and begins to ignore you). For me, that appears to have been over the last few months – for reference, I’m now a 32-year old dad of two to a preschooler and newborn, so watch out if that’s similar to yourself.
Let me weave you a little story. One day – just like any other day – I was going about my normal business. The missus and L had just returned from the shops and were bringing things into the house. My mouth opened and I found myself uttering a phrase I’ve never used before. There was no thought to it. It all just came so easily.
“Can you shut the door? You’re letting all the heat out”.
I did a double take – as did the missus. With that sentence, I lost every last remaining ounce of coolness that I’d been desperately clinging onto since my twenties. Cool people don’t care about the heating. In fact, they’d probably turn the thermostat up to 25ºC and open a window just because they don’t give a crap. Not me though – I’d become a dad with an armoury of dadisms ready to inflict upon the world at every opportunity.
And that’s exactly what I’ve done. Without study, planning or effort, I’ve found myself saying more and more dadisms – particularly to L. I guess this parenting lark just wears you down until you become no more than a collection of phrases passed down from generation to generation. They don’t tell you that in the NCT classes.
Due to the sheer volume uttered over the last few months, I’m unable to remember every single dadism used. However, below are some of the dadisms that have definitely left my vocal cords and passed my lips recently:
- “Can you shut the door. You’re letting all the heat out.”
- “Stop climbing on the sofa. This isn’t a soft play.”
- “Don’t stand so close to the TV. It’ll make you blind.”
- “If <insert friend’s name> did it, would you?”
- “No, we can’t buy that. I’m not made of money”.
- “I’m not asleep, I’m just resting my eyes.”
- “Can we turn some lights off? It’s like Blackpool Illuminations in here.”
- “Don’t jump on me. Do I look like a trampoline?”
- “What did I just say? It’s like talking to a brick wall.”
- “No pudding until you’ve eaten all your food.”
- “Don’t make me count to 3…”
See what I mean? I’m a bloody walking stereotype! Those are some of the dadisms I’ve found myself saying over the last few months. Any of these ring true to you? Anything you’d add? Let me know below!